I’m feeling lost. Still. God dammit.
I can feel myself getting mad for losing my way again.
But then I ask: aren’t we all a little lost?
Do we ever truly know for sure what we are doing?
Doesn’t anyone who says they aren’t lost seem like they are kidding themselves?
Either that, or they have actually reached their truest integrity.
Pure enlightenment.
…
Which I’m skeptical about.
Is that level even obtainable in a lifetime for an average mortal?
If one were to reach their “truest integrity,” it would be Buddha level. Humanless.
Sorry Buddha, but I feel I’m too human for that to happen to me in this lifetime.
I’ve been closer in certain parts of my life, but I’ve never reached true integrity.
Even during childhood when we are our purest, I was still impulsive and influenced by materialistic things.
But, I was closer.
Why can’t our path to integrity be a spectrum?
Why are we berating ourselves when we lose ourselves sometimes?
What if we have more integrity within ourselves each day without us even knowing it?
We should stop telling ourselves that we aren’t good enough
because we haven’t “reached” our truest and best selves.
Maybe we are handling all of this suffering in a more beautiful and trustworthy way than we realize.
Maybe a stronger and clearer version of ourselves is emerging every morning.
Maybe we are supposed to be a little lost all the time so we keep exploring.
Maybe we are even closer than our brains tell us.
I feel we are.
Ali Walks Around 